Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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