Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize