I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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