i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
