Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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