yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
