I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize