Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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