Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
