i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
