Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
