They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
