I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
