I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize