The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
All the doctor said was why
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
