How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
