once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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