He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
