The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
