Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
