i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
