So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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