I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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