How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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