Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
