peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
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