I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
