so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
