can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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