Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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