Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
