My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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