I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
