i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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