after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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