We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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