Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
