Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
