can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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