Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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