kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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