Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
