Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
