since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
