What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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