i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
