i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
