me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
