i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
