I hate all girls vehemently.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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