what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize