and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
