is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
