My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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