I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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