I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
