dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
