sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
