I'm so fucking centered right now
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
