Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
