omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
