and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
where does the pee come out of this thing
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
