Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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