Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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