I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
