i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
