She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
