Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
