I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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