There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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