The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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