I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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