You can't special order awesome
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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