Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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