how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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