That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
