guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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