the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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