Betty ford says i'm here all night
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
