just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
