Your dad touched me again.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
