Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
