You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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