toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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