I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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